At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
