I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
