isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
