I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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