just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
