I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
