i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
