dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
