I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
