even my farts smell like vagina
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
organizing the empties. That sober.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
