My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
