hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
