My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
