I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
soo... how was my night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
