By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
