Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
