Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize