Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
