...so i touched it.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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