This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize