that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize