my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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