it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
