I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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