She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
