i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
