If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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