So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
