ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
