I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
