fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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