I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
