I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
