My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
