The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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