Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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