My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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