When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Someone came in the potted fern
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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