did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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