Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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