Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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