Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
