I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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