you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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