sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
