I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
