what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
