How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
