Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
