pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
