come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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