I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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