I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
