I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
