dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am available for nakedness
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
