and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
