He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
