Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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