its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize