saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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