No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
