Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
