FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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