I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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