Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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