i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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