grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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